A Working Momma's Prayer

Dear Colin,

This was your very first week at daycare.  As expected, I cried from the time we left the house until the time I got to work.  I just can't believe our time is done :( You were asleep when your dad and I dropped you off; and I'm grateful for that.  There is no way I could have left you there if you were awake and your usual smiley self.  Your dad tried to console me on our way to work-- repeating all the reasons I needed to go back to work, and how daycare will be such a positive experience for you.  The only words I could muster were, "I just want him to know..." before I broke down into tears again.  I don't like crying, and I especially don't like trying to talk while crying.  But today, I am going to finish that thought.

I just want you to know...

• That you're not in daycare because I don't want to take care of you.  That weighs VERY heavily on my heart.  I love taking care of you more than anything in this world, and I cherish every minute you and I are together.  I hope that being apart some of the time will make the times we are together even more special.
• That being employed is one of the ways that I do take care of you.  Your dad and I want to give you the very best life possible, and it is not financially feasible for me to stay home with you right now.  (I asked Sallie Mae if I could, and she said no.)  It's true that money isn't everything; but it's also true that you can't get have a roof over your head or food in your belly without it.
• That I do enjoy my job.  I like researching; I like writing; and I like helping people.  My job affords me the opportunity to do all of these things, and it gives me personal satisfaction and fulfillment that I'm not sure I could get as a full-time SAHM.  I worked very hard to have a career, and I'm not ready to give it up-- even if it was viable to do so.  Hopefully, I can be a positive role model for you and show that it is possible to balance a happy family and a successful career.
• That I think about you and miss you ALL DAY while I am at work.  Over the past two days, I've found myself scrolling through pictures of you on my phone just to get a glimpse of your sweet face.  Although I do enjoy my job, it does not make being away from you any easier.
• That I really do think you will enjoy daycare.  Your dad and I considered every childcare option there is, and then researched all of the local day cares.  I love where you are, and I think you will make some great friends and have a really positive experience.  I would never place you in a situation I did not feel comfortable with or trust.

You only went to school two days this week (we started you on a Thursday), and the next two weeks will be short as well because of Memorial Day.  I think it's good for both of us to ease into this newest stage of life. 

Your teachers seem to really like you and have told me what a good baby you are.  The only problem so far seems to be napping, and I think that's because you're overstimulated and busy trying to take everything in.  On your first day, you took a 25 minute nap, a 30 minute nap, and a 2 hour nap over a seven hour period.  When I picked you up around 4, you slept the remainder of the day and into the next morning.  You were worn out!  (And I was so sad, because I really wanted to play with you!)  On your second day, you took a 15 minute nap and a 45 minute nap over a seven hour period.  When I picked you up, you refused to go down for a nap for the rest of the day, other than a brief cat-nap during our walk.  You did go down for the night without any problems, though.   

Hopefully, this new transition will get easier for both of us.  I'm happy as long as you are happy.  And I hope you know that!

Love,

Mom